Posted in personal

A Chapter In My Life

A positive was all it took

A positive that took forever to appear

It meant, with all of our hope

That all of our dreams will eventually appear.

 
We told close family about the news

And we were all so very amazed

So imagine the horror when one day

Those dreams turned into a haze.

 
It took so long to find my place on this earth

And pressure built inside

To not feel left out or defective and it was something I really wanted

But still, for months, I cried.

 
We saw you when you were alive

And were told everything was OK

Then planning a future with you in it

Simply seemed the natural way.

 
No tests were performed or assumptions made

It was very much just ‘one of those things’

I’m not the only woman on the planet

Yet seeing success stories, much heartache it did bring.

 
A reminder that nature will do whatever it needs to continue the human race

Was something I didn’t care for when I didn’t get to see my first child’s face.

 
The hurt will always stay

It defines my everyday thinking

The emotional turmoil,

The black hole you are in, that drowning feeling, sinking.

 
It hurts to look to the future

When life can be taken away in a flash

The hope and my child inside was barely just

My head and heart didn’t want to crash.

 
To protect myself and my husband

I wished and wasted a lot of time away

An empty shell I became

My mind didn’t want to work or play.

 
Time became the priority

It consumed my life

The goal was simple enough

To once again create another life.

 
The uncertainty of the future

Put fear in me I never knew

For no one told me it would never happen

So the hope, though very slight, helped me through.

 
You were always very much wanted

And there are days when I think of what could have been

To see the positive and then hope, joy and happiness diminish

Was something I could not have predicted or seen.

 
My mind and body, I concluded

Needed a reboot and a fresh start

If it can happen so easily to others

It can to me, with the effort and strength from my mind and heart.

 
A long time of not feeling like myself

However I still had to carry on

Feeling anxious about people who knew

A positive outlook, I felt, had gone.

 
A mask was put on

I was expected to get over it

But deep down I wanted the whole world to disappear

Not one person, except my husband, did I want to be around, not one bit.

 
To help cope with depression and grief we adopted two cats

They gave my life purpose and meaning

I felt like I could move on

Yet still, I kept on dreaming.

 
A good chapter of my life has been dedicated to becoming a parent

What do we do if it doesn’t happen to us?

It fed the fears, the tears, my peers

Could not understand the fuss.

 
I am a very big dreamer

But realistically I know life is hard

Put your mind and strength to it

And rise above all your dud cards.

 
I am an introvert by nature

I’m not easy or naturally social to be around

I do not feel others need to be told

All of the things that get me down.

 
Though I do not speak much

That does not mean I don’t hurt

Or have feelings where I disagree with you

For me, this is how I work.

 
My story is simple

I have pains, some secret, some not

Wanting something so badly and not being able to get it as easily as expected

Was the journey my life did then plot.

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Posted in personal, writing

Late Night Writing

As I’m back in full swing with writing I have a very super tiny complaint with it. 9pm is my current optimum session time which is very late for me. I like my sleep and that time is usually dedicated to winding down for bed. My mind has other ideas it seems! I need to get back to writing 7pm onwards so I don’t feel rushed to write. Will have to train myself to change this I think!

It doesn’t help with my new braces. I am seeing 7pm as a time to grab a quick snack or hot drink and it becomes a relaxing time when it should be a get-to-work time!

Let’s see if I can merge writing with a fast hot drinking session tomorrow.

Posted in night off, personal

Quiet Weekends

With my favourite show back on TV (1 of 2, the other being The Flash which has also started up again this week), my evenings are taken up with Strictly Come Dancing. I’m an armchair judge, loving celebs which I never cared for, dancing with their pro’s and I’m happily looking forward to watching each episode.

As a result there won’t be much opportunity to write at the weekends but I’m OK with that.

Hope you are all keeping busy and will update in due course.

Posted in personal

Inspiration


My children are my inspiration. Every day something new happens and I stop and think about just how amazing they really are. Smaller versions of my husband and I, with unique personalities and traits.

My cats inspire me in other ways. When I think of them I cannot imagine life without them. They filled a space in my heart when everything felt dark and uncertain. They enrich my life.

Today my husband filled me with inspiration. He ran the great north run alongside thousands of others. Though I did not catch his face on TV, when watching the sea of people running for many good causes or sport it brought warmth to my heart that he participated. He is flat out asleep now (he is usually such a night owl!) and as much as he’s run many events before this one felt different to me. I don’t think he has realised just how proud I am of him and that I am also extremely humbled by his ultimate passion. He has come a long way to get to this point but he has continually showed that determination, positivity, persistence and hope are key to success. Not just in running but life in general. 

Keep doing what you’re doing James, with every day that passes you do more and more for our children, cats and myself than you realise. What an amazing achievement today. 

Posted in personal

The Blogger Recognition Award

Today I received a message saying I’d been nominated for a blogger recognition award, thank you to https://thepoweroftheprintedwordsite.wordpress.com/ for the nomination.

The rules:


* Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
* Write a post to show your award.
* Give a brief story of how your blog started.
* Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
* Select other bloggers you want to give this award to.
* Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide the link to the post you created.

 

How I Started My Blog:

I think this should be more of a ‘why’ than a ‘how’ but it pretty much boiled down to wanting to write a book.  The motivation just wasn’t there when it was just me and the laptop but now updating readers on the progress has spurred me on to write, even if it is only 100 words a night!

 

Advice to New Bloggers:

  • Don’t ever prioritise your blog over your passion, otherwise you’ll lose focus like I have!
  • Be polite and supportive with your readers
  • If you’re wanting longevity with your blog make sure you do your homework with keeping the readers interested.  Research and react accordingly to your niche.

My Nominations:

 

https://thisismytruthnow.com/

Hello

https://thefertilepen.com/

Good luck other nominees!

Posted in personal

As A Writer Have You Ever…

Purposely written a hateful character based on your experiences with someone rather unpleasant in real life?

Have you ever submitted a finished piece of work with spelling mistakes (only realising afterwards on this error)?

Have you gotten close to the end and just given up?

After the initial idea have you ever felt disappointed when you’ve researched and discovered it’s already been done by someone else?

What if your idea just doesn’t have enough momentum behind it but you’re eager to write something, what do you do?

Apart from the last question these are the things I think about from time to time, either regarding others or just a personal ponder.  What do you think about?

Posted in personal

Mini Joke

Inspired by breakfast today, a little joke I will tell my children when they’re older and hopefully still have a great sense of humour.

An egg goes to the doctors, feeling a bit unhinged and a little confused on reality.  He burst through the doors “Doctor I’m seeing people walk on clouds and the floor is made of chips, I think I’m nuts” finished the egg. “Don’t be silly, how can you be nuts when you’re an egg?” the Doctor reassured him before continuing “You’re just cracking up”.

 

Posted in personal, project, writing

University Projects

Back in 2006 I went to University, it feels like it was a long long looong time ago but when I think of college or starting a full time job for the first time, in relation it really wasn’t that long ago.

The first is called ‘Famopoly’. If memory serves right this was done as part of an assignment in a visual media class, the idea was to create a documentary of your choice and then to turn it into a visual output. The class loved it and laughed at all the right moments which boosted my confidence as a writer and potentially a director too. My then boyfriend (now husband) helped with the visual side of things as it was permitted but as for calling the shots I was in charge.

This one was from a writing class, the University wanted industry experts to tutor and in came a chap called Ric Michael. At introduction I wasn’t sure who he was but I learnt he worked at a production company called Baby Cow and they had recently produced a lot of comedy shows, one of which was called Gavin and Stacey and that was pretty big back then. For those who aren’t sure, it starred James Corden, the now chat show host!

As an idea to get to know us all as students we all had to pair off with someone in the class (I couldn’t pick my husband before you ask) and I grouped together with this man called Tony. The next exercise was to tell each other about what our weekends had been like and then we’d have to write a quick story based on the other person.

Tony went on to say he had been insulating this guy’s roof and that’s the only thing I took from the chat and so turned it into the below ( Thanks again Tony for having an inspirational weekend, where ever you are!)My tutor absolutely loved the output. The video was something I did in my spare time, and again my husband captured all the images necessary where I just cracked the whip to ensure my vision was kept intact (He will probably read this later and want a discussion on the matter!)

I just watched this video before typing this blog and forgot about the teensy weensy bit of bad language, viewers beware.

My writing style hasn’t changed much since that time but that’s mostly down to the fact I haven’t written continuously since then, maybe I have a mature eye these days so there’s a natural shift in the writing style. Time will tell I guess.

I’d love to know what you think!