I don’t normally post about things external to the usual blogging topics but I feel I need to express my motions and motivations as it’ll probably affect my blog ongoing.
Today I found out my son’s primary school offer and was absolutely devastated. He got offered 3rd choice and that choice was pretty much a “hope it never comes to it” as there aren’t that many good schools in the area.
So here I am. I’ve cried all day and I had waited such a long time to even get to this point. I’m sick of feeling disappointment.
It should have been an exciting day.
I should have been celebrating with my children today.
I should have been looking up school uniforms and the next process today.
I should have been messaging everyone how happy we were.
But none of that happened.
It was a traumatic day.
I barely spoke to my eldest about the results.
I’ve spent the whole day fretting and feeling anxious and also like a bad parent for clearly aiming too high for a school, ironically thinking it was the safest option all around.
I am terrified for September and the whole process of appealing and waiting lists.
So I ask myself. What did I do wrong? How the hell are there 30 children in the same area of the same age who have preference over my eldest? what advantages did they have that ruled us out? I live 300 metres away!
I’m angry, irritated, frustrated, gutted, disappointed, worried, stressed, scared and now tired. I honestly didn’t see this coming. I had been bigging up his 1st and 2nd choice school for nearly 6 months and we drove past the school where he got an offer and he got upset and said he didn’t want to go there. More guilt on my part now.
I now have a fight on my hands, a lot more anxiety to come, more patience, more waiting around, more checking my emails every 5 minutes hoping something good will happen.
I feel like I’ve let my son down massively, not to mention his brother. I wish I could have offered more for them in terms of schools.
A lot of people have tried to reason with me today and as grateful as I am for the support I’m in no mood to be reasoned with. I am definitely not in that head space. My only glimpse of hope is that something better will come along – but that may only lead to more disappointment.
All in all, a very devastating start to the week. And my children’s future.
This is in no way an attack on those who chose my son’s offered school as a first choice and got accepted, this is purely disappointment on my husband and I’s part. If I can fight then I will. This is about ensuring our children get a good start by sending them to a school which we feel would help provide that.